It’s almost impossible to cover everything from hockey 2010 without completely losing all of your short 21st century attention spans. I mean, I’d add it in for the sake of completeness, but really, who wants to read the words “Jim Balsillie” and “Phoenix Coyotes” in a sentence ever again? Fank q, but no fank q. So without further ado, here are my top favourite hockey stories, noteworthy news items, and moments of the year 2010. Be prepared for lots of multi-media masturbation. If your computer can’t handle it, I say, get a new one.
The year of the Meme: 90% of the users on Twitter are twits. But the other 10% usually have some things to say that are pretty interesting. Puck Daddy blog editor Greg Wyshynski, the king of the Internet hockey realm, and Sean McIndoe of Down Goes Brown both helped to create the culture of the hockey meme in 2010 - here is some of their best work:
- Shane Doan face: Photoshop enthusiasts singled out the Shane Doan face as a target probably because Doan had on the expression of a manic serial killer on a murdering spree high. Puck Daddy threw a Reader Art Contest and received some gut-splitting submissions. Make sure to check them out here.
- Sidney Crosby face: Similar to the DoanFace Gallery, but with less relocation jabs and more references to gladiators, monsters, and Ovechkin. It’s brilliant fun. Please see it here.
The Twitter hashtag
- #danellisproblems: One of the Internet’s finest and most long-lasting hockey memes. Unfortunately for Dan Ellis, it will probably hound him for the rest of his NHL career. You probably already know the story by now, and if not you can find it here. If anything, the meme is a good lesson to sports athletes to be careful of what they say online, because surprisingly not everyone wants to hear millionaires complain about the creases in their white napkins or the lack of good butlers.
- #bettmansweater
The #bettmansweater meme was the result of a bit of encouragement from Down Goes Brown and the compliance of a very competent and very willing Internet. Laughter and ridicule arose after CBC played an old clip of Gary Bettman conversing with Brian Burke in what appeared to be the ugliest sweater known to mankind. Afterwards, Twitter mercilessly erupted in a plethora of screenshots and snarky one-liners aimed at the often disparaged NHL commissioner. Some of the better ones from the night:
Burke immediately knew he had to convince Bettman to only expand to short-sleeve weather markets. #BettmanSweater
Burke was stunned. Bettman had called his tie raise, and gone all-in with a sweater. #BettmanSweater
What has four eyes, two-and-a-half hair styles, one hockey brain and no first round draft picks? #BettmanSweater
That Komisarek pass was #BettmanSweater ugly.
The Jagr meme: The “What, no Jagr?” meme was spawned after Puck Daddy released their “Mount Puckmore” feature, in which they picked four of each franchise’s all time top players and photoshopped their heads in the places of Mount Rushmore’s original inhabitants. A swarm of outraged and astonished readers attacked the New York Rangers’ Puckmore when it decided to include Jaromir Jagr while leaving off arguably more deserving players, such as Mike Richter or Adam Graves. Afterwards, readers would arbitrarily comment on subsequent Mount Puckmore articles with a “What no, Jagr?” even if he hadn’t played for the team in question, sparking the meme. The entire thing was hilarious and surprisingly enduring, inspiring a blog by the same name as well as a Twitter account.
The Golden Goal: What can I say about “The Goal” that hasn’t already been said? I can only express what it meant to me, personally. I kept telling myself before the game started that it was okay if Canada lost because we had had a wonderful run, beaten down Russian, fueled the nation with plenty of drama. I gave myself logical reasons for failure, but looking back, they made no sense at all. This was because there was only one ending that truly made sense for me, for the fans, for the nation – and that was hockey gold. When Sidney Crosby potted the immortal tally I (apparently) screamed, ran into a corner of the room, jumped up and down yelling “CROSBY, CROSBY, CROSBY,” rolled on the ground, took a quick moment to rub it in my Russian friend’s face, leaped onto the innocents sitting on the couch and writhed with glee. And I’ll admit, as a Crosby fan, I was more than a little pleased that he had taken the spotlight on the biggest sporting stage possible. James Duthie put it beautifully: “[Crosby] was born to score that goal.” Sidney deserved it, his teammates deserved it and Canada, through all our four years of sweating and headaches and wringing of wrists, deserved it. It was the “Henderson scores for Canada!” moment of our generation and it is something I will never, ever forget.
However, the Olympics weren’t all about Canada. I think. Some other big stories included the Swedes early exit, Slovakia’s miracle run, the colossal defeat of Alexander Ovechkin and the powerhouse Russians, and Jaromir Jagr’s triumphant if transitory return to spotlight. Ovechkin’s hit on Jagr was one of the most bone-crushing shoulder-to-shoulder blows I have ever seen, further magnified because it resulted in a turnover and a huge Evgeni Malkin goal that put the Russians up by two early into the third.
Playoffs? PLAYOFFS?: The 2010 Stanley Cup playoffs contained a lot of special moments – the monumental 0-3 series comeback by the Philadelphia Flyers over the Boston Bruins, the joyride of Jaroslav Halak and the Montreal Canadiens, the end of the 49-year Cup drought in Chicago. My favourite moments, however, involved the simpler things. And by simple, I mean Patrick Kane’s classic mullet, rated Gretzkian in greatness, Crosbian in greasiness.
Chris Pronger also provided a welcome infusion of personality with his puck stealing skills and general media snarkiness. I’m probably one of a very small minority, but Pronger is among my favourite players in the League – I love his leadership, his toughness, his skill. Also, I like mean people.
WAFFLEROFL: Making fun of the Toronto Maple Leafs has been a time-honoured tradition among Canadians for decades, but one disgruntled Leafs fan took it to a whole new level when he decided to show his frustration in the most obscure way he could: waffles on the ice. The "Eggo Bomber," who also keeps a Twitter, has been lauded and lambasted by fans and media alike, but none can doubt his audacity or his inevitable future prosecution.
For now, the Waffle Cup may be as close to the actual Cup as the Leafs are going to get. So they might as well savour it. Nom nom nom.
You Want Magic, You Want Money?: Jordan Eberle was already a minor Canadian celebrity for the ones who followed the World Junior Hockey Championship. For the few and the clueless who hadn’t been watching, Eberle’s first ever NHL goal was one of the top "stand-up and look-at-me" moments of the year. If you didn’t know about the kid then, you did after this.
